Spring in Kashmir brings smiles to many people, especially to those who are dependent on agriculture. I am not any agriculturalist but this spring blossomed me as well.
This story started on 19 March 2018. After publishing an article in a local daily i was checking the response of people. An unfamiliar name hit my eyes and the comment under the name was just phenomenal. I hastely clicked on the profile and checked whether its real or as usual a fake one, I got confused!
Within no time i tried to add that person in my friend list but it seemed full. I started finding some guy whom i can unfriend, luckily I found some "Deepak Rawat" and kicked him out of my friend list. Clicked "BACK" button few times i landed on that suspicious account. Just pressed the "Add Friend" button and started waiting for the response...
In the evening I got a notification "@***** Malik" accepted your friend request. Without wasting any time i waved to the person and I got a wave back. Here i started with two messages, one short and another long one. The short one was "Hi" and the long one was long enough. I told that why i messaged you? Reason behind my message? And who I am?
After a brief pause i could see "typing" feedback and i got goosebumps. It was
And this chit chat didn't last too long. We introduced with each other and then left. I thought this is the end of this short story here but Allah had different plans.
We continued this the other day and finally she managed to make me understand that she is really a girl not any fake one. We started sharing our family details, Hobbies favorites and what not? I was now knowing her to some extent but was she also trying to know me?
She once said "I love journalism, Ravish Kumar is my favourite anchor, but don't wanna do it as girls are not perfect for this job". These simple words hit deep inside but I was unable to utter a word. I don't know why but I had fallen for her, because of her beautiful but pure usage of words. She was straight forward since day 1, yes i confess I was pretending to be nicer and smarter!
Her sense of humour was good enough and her language sometimes oozed some tapori words as well, like Udaa denga, thok dalega... Once i replied her with pure Urdu language with impressive usage of Urdu words, she asked me:
Now we were totally close to one another and were waiting for each other to break the ice of suspense. Finally A day came when I deliberately asked her whether she is in any relationship or not? When I typed this message my heart was beating more than normal. I wanted her to write "No" message but she frankly said "i was in a relationship in 9th, 10th class for almost two years". Internally i was feeling awkward but I still asked her "Then?"
You know it needs a lot of courage to ask your lover about her past relationships. But keeping a rock on my heart i was asking questions like hosting a "rapid fire" questionnaire round. And her answers were like arrows coming out of the bow and hitting deep in the soul.
I wanted to quit. I wanted her to stop the conversation but all in vain. Her truthfulness ruined me, I had fallen completely infront of her. There was no way towards back, I continued.
She left the middle part of the story which included the love moments, happiness and cherishing the life and started telling me the climax.
"It was a cricket match between India and Pakistan, he supposed to support India and I used to support Pakistan as usual" She said. "Unfortunately Pakistan lost that day and i opt for breakup as my tolerance level is below zero. Actually main reason of separation was not just a silly cricket match but something else. This was just a beautiful excuse to end the relationship peacefully".
Rapidly i asked for the actual reason and she replied : "I loved him at the extreme level but he had announced the entire area about our relationship. I wasn't feeling safe with her now so for me it was better to move on".
I asked for the middle part of the story but she said there's nothing special. A boy always try to care about the intimacy and privacy of his beloved. So I was trying to ask her some intimate questions which can give me surety that she is pure. But I was not uttering those words. So I left that topic for another day and started a new one.
I asked "If he returns one day, will you accept him"? I know this was a silly question but this was not my tongue, it was my heart oozing out. She said "I have left him once and for all and there's no space in my heart left for him".
She was annoyed of my questions, I think. So she asked for closing the discussion and "tell me your story?". My story was brief "Friendship, love and breakup" that's it.
I belong to South Kashmir of Indian Occupied Kashmir so we face a lot of internet restrictions in our area. To overcome this i have got a broadband connection as well, but my friends always ask me why are you spending that much of money to get Internet access. My reply is simple "Why you spend that much of money to get rice"? During encounter days the broadband gets banned as well.
A day with an encounter came up and brought restrictions to mobile Internet and broadband. The habit "interacting with FRAGRANCE" costed me a lot. The ban lasted for 3 days, I was messed up with this. In these 3 days i only planned to get her Phone number. But how to get this?
Low speed Internet got restored and i messaged her "Hi" and she asked for the absence. I told her the internet story and finally:
Story By:
Shaheen Qayoom Malik
11th Chapter of his Book "Dirt On My Face"
About Author:
Shaheen belongs to South Kashmir and is writer of Tajakistan's Award winning Documentary "Dirt On My Face". He is currently pursuing Masters in Mass Communication and Journalism in Media Education Research Center Department of University of Kashmir. He owns Valley's leading online news portal Kashmir Prism. He has also won Kashmir Photography Competition and was partner of Aarif Nabii who won best photo award 2014. Anyone having any objection regarding the above short story can mail author at:
shaheenqayoommalik@gmail.com
This story started on 19 March 2018. After publishing an article in a local daily i was checking the response of people. An unfamiliar name hit my eyes and the comment under the name was just phenomenal. I hastely clicked on the profile and checked whether its real or as usual a fake one, I got confused!
Within no time i tried to add that person in my friend list but it seemed full. I started finding some guy whom i can unfriend, luckily I found some "Deepak Rawat" and kicked him out of my friend list. Clicked "BACK" button few times i landed on that suspicious account. Just pressed the "Add Friend" button and started waiting for the response...
In the evening I got a notification "@***** Malik" accepted your friend request. Without wasting any time i waved to the person and I got a wave back. Here i started with two messages, one short and another long one. The short one was "Hi" and the long one was long enough. I told that why i messaged you? Reason behind my message? And who I am?
After a brief pause i could see "typing" feedback and i got goosebumps. It was
And this chit chat didn't last too long. We introduced with each other and then left. I thought this is the end of this short story here but Allah had different plans.
We continued this the other day and finally she managed to make me understand that she is really a girl not any fake one. We started sharing our family details, Hobbies favorites and what not? I was now knowing her to some extent but was she also trying to know me?
She once said "I love journalism, Ravish Kumar is my favourite anchor, but don't wanna do it as girls are not perfect for this job". These simple words hit deep inside but I was unable to utter a word. I don't know why but I had fallen for her, because of her beautiful but pure usage of words. She was straight forward since day 1, yes i confess I was pretending to be nicer and smarter!
Her sense of humour was good enough and her language sometimes oozed some tapori words as well, like Udaa denga, thok dalega... Once i replied her with pure Urdu language with impressive usage of Urdu words, she asked me:
Then i used to ask her everyday to take a class from me to learn the so called "Badi Badi Baatien". She also used to nod her head. One thing i loved about her was that she had perfect timing of sending the relevant emojis. I loved it whenever she used to send me emoji except this:
Now we were totally close to one another and were waiting for each other to break the ice of suspense. Finally A day came when I deliberately asked her whether she is in any relationship or not? When I typed this message my heart was beating more than normal. I wanted her to write "No" message but she frankly said "i was in a relationship in 9th, 10th class for almost two years". Internally i was feeling awkward but I still asked her "Then?"
You know it needs a lot of courage to ask your lover about her past relationships. But keeping a rock on my heart i was asking questions like hosting a "rapid fire" questionnaire round. And her answers were like arrows coming out of the bow and hitting deep in the soul.
I wanted to quit. I wanted her to stop the conversation but all in vain. Her truthfulness ruined me, I had fallen completely infront of her. There was no way towards back, I continued.
She left the middle part of the story which included the love moments, happiness and cherishing the life and started telling me the climax.
"It was a cricket match between India and Pakistan, he supposed to support India and I used to support Pakistan as usual" She said. "Unfortunately Pakistan lost that day and i opt for breakup as my tolerance level is below zero. Actually main reason of separation was not just a silly cricket match but something else. This was just a beautiful excuse to end the relationship peacefully".
Rapidly i asked for the actual reason and she replied : "I loved him at the extreme level but he had announced the entire area about our relationship. I wasn't feeling safe with her now so for me it was better to move on".
I asked for the middle part of the story but she said there's nothing special. A boy always try to care about the intimacy and privacy of his beloved. So I was trying to ask her some intimate questions which can give me surety that she is pure. But I was not uttering those words. So I left that topic for another day and started a new one.
I asked "If he returns one day, will you accept him"? I know this was a silly question but this was not my tongue, it was my heart oozing out. She said "I have left him once and for all and there's no space in my heart left for him".
She was annoyed of my questions, I think. So she asked for closing the discussion and "tell me your story?". My story was brief "Friendship, love and breakup" that's it.
I belong to South Kashmir of Indian Occupied Kashmir so we face a lot of internet restrictions in our area. To overcome this i have got a broadband connection as well, but my friends always ask me why are you spending that much of money to get Internet access. My reply is simple "Why you spend that much of money to get rice"? During encounter days the broadband gets banned as well.
A day with an encounter came up and brought restrictions to mobile Internet and broadband. The habit "interacting with FRAGRANCE" costed me a lot. The ban lasted for 3 days, I was messed up with this. In these 3 days i only planned to get her Phone number. But how to get this?
Low speed Internet got restored and i messaged her "Hi" and she asked for the absence. I told her the internet story and finally:
This is how I got her phone number as she thinks but for me it was just a proposal. I just acted like a true lover as she thinks, but Allah knows every word in the above chat was from my heart.
I called her for some minutes only, I guess it was midnight. She had given me a deadline to exchange words for a little span of time, but when the deadline crossed she was unable to resist herself to disconnect the call.
While talking i found like she is elder to me but I was wrong she was much younger. I asked her about her name and family, her answer was the same "I am fragrance". Once she irritated me so much that she teased me with these 3 letters "M.E.H" "M.E.H" "M.E.H" and asking me "Guess what's my name"?
Finally we were in a relationship! And yes it was a beautiful one, full of happiness & comfort. Like other guys use to watch out their beloveds, I had given her a free hand because I trusted her. I never asked her to abandon social media or anything else, I just suggested her to write something whenever you're free. She never wrote a word, I know this. She always told me I don't wanna write anything but I want to play cricket. So I requested her to play cricket at its fullest. Yes! I loved her and wanted her to be happy.
Her small words used to make me feel like I have reached the goal. All the wishes were likely to come true, it was time to see some more dreams. Second day of relationship:
I am an SRKian and she never liked him. I used to tease her for Sidharath Malhotra because he was her crush. We used to have long discussions on these stupid stuff. At the end of discussion i used to quit and become loser for her because I did not wanted to see her losing. I know she always celebrated the win, and win used to make her happy. That's what I want her to be, Happy!
She was truthful, straight forward and bold. During relationship she told me that I had many crushes after breakup with that 9th class love. One guy in the hospital was her biggest crush till that date but he became invisible after that day. Another crush was her lecturer in college who was willing to offer her, and he is actually playing the cameo role in this story. He also acts as a turning point who ends this story with a meaningful moral.
Let's keep the climax on hold for sometime and enjoy the love between Eagle & Fragrance. One day we quarrelled, basically we used to fight each and every day in and day out. But the endings of the spats was always like this
Everyone loves the cute love fights between two lovers but these fights turned faces red when one day she complained about me to one of my closest friend Aabid. Their conversation was:
My reply to this chat was in a much bitter tone which somehow helped her to get separated from me.
My intention was not to abuse her but i was somehow shocked because I hadn't expected this from her. It doesn't matter whether it was truth or just a prank but the words were just bullets. Another reason for my hard language was because of my friend. No one among us can hear anything bad about our beloved and that too from our best friend's mouth. When Aabid said "She is already in a relationship!" i lighted a cigarette and wrote whatever came into my mind.
As the screenshot suggests that it would have been the last message in between us because of the usage of so many dirty words, but, but, but, we again let this relationship survive. But this survival didn't lasted too long!
It was July 31 2018, birthday of my ex-girlfriend. I always love to see Facebook Memories as it takes us back to our past. As usual i was looking for memories and i came to know it was her birthday so i shared the memory with the tagline "Goli Aaj Bhi Lagti Hai, Aur Seedha Dil Pe Lagti Hai". These lines were not imaginative, this was a fact. Few days ago I have seen her on the road wearing black dress and when she looked at me i got bullet like pain in my chest. I wrote what i felt but this created an impact on the opposition party.
I observed that "Fragrance" started to ignore me, whenever I phoned her she used to give different reasons just to disconnect the phone. She is extremely irritated with me and it was visible in broad daylight. After a week i angrily asked her "What the F**k has happened?, why the hell are you ignoring me?" but she was quite silent. She behaved like she knows nothing but she was knowing each and every word that I had published. When I insisted her for almost 15 minutes she broke her silence and bombed on me. Some poet may have written these lines just for her :
"Jab hum bolte hain to baras jaate hain,
Khamosh rehte hain to loag taras jaate hain"
I tried to defend myself but she was expert in making me silent from the beginning. She had collected some proofs also which she provided and dropped the call. I was willing to call her, even i typed her phone number but then because of shame i erased it and wept.
That night it was she who was in my eyes, even i have never seen her but still she was there. I was feeling her pain that she may have gone through. Despite of this pain she remained silent and then i started comparing her with myself. If I may have been in her place, I guess I may have thrashed her badly but she, O my love, was pretty much flawless.
I started forgetting her now. I had hurted her and i was well aware that she'll never come back. But these resolutions were implementated in day only, when darkness used to cover earth her innocence used to kill me. I wanted to overcome this but I failed and failed and failed.
After 25 days, on 25 August i texted her to call me but she ignored. I guess she had gotten a brilliant idea in the meantime and acted like she has forgiven me in order to take revenge. She asked me to leave each and every social media platform like Facebook & Instagram mainly. She was knowing that these mediums were a bridge for my work and success still she insisted me to delete them. It took me 6-7 hours to make up my mind and finally I accepted and started with Insta.
I deleted Insta in a sarcastic mood while she was on call, next it was Facebook but I asked for some time. I was sure to delete it as well as whatsapp, before this i wanted to contact my colleagues about my leave. Within an hour she texted "Abhi Nahi Kiya Delete, Bye"
My reply to her message was verbally on call and my words were "Dekh Jaani Aaj Tune Kaha Facebook, Insta delete Kardo, Maine Kiya! Agar Kal Aap Kahogi Apne Maa Baap Ko Chod Do Tab Main Kya Karoonga?"
I know these lines pricked her soul, she somehow felt guilty and once again concluded with a "BYE".
And next day:
Whatever the tension was in between us, she managed to make me feel alive by her beautiful words. It was my enterance examination for University of Kashmir and i recieved this message:
8 Sep, the day when I somehow tried to move on:
Her threat was not just a threat, she left me. Yes she left me all alone. I called her everyday, texted her daily but she didn't gave a single response. I was literally dead for her.
There were some important events/occasions when we talked, like the martyrdom of my inspiration Dr. Manan Wani. We also had a fiery debate during parliamentary elections because North Kashmirians had provided majority whereas south Kashmirians (my area) had totally boycotted the same elections. She defended her area and i kept blaming her as she was representing north Kashmir as per my opinion.
Starting October my results for Entrance Test examination for the admission in University of Kashmir were declared, My name somehow was among the selected candidates. I messaged her about this, I am pretty sure that she was the first one i told this. She was happy, not because I was selected but she was now getting the opportunity to get rid of me. During the admission process i talked to some friends & got internship work with Kashmir Reader and Rising Kashmir. My whole motive was to forget her by indulging myself in some tough tasks.
22nd October, my first day as a Freelancer in Kashmir Reader internship program. My first project was to cover the Kulgam Encounter. At 8 in morning I reached the spot and clashes were going on. But sources said encounter is over whereas angry youth were pelting stones on Indian forces. Me & my cameraman a local boy from Kulgam tanveer visited the encounter site. We reached debris and something exploded, I felt something in my chest. I held hand of tanveer and he fell down, I wanted him to stand up but he was crawling, I guessed his leg is hit by something. I tried to cry "Tanveer! Tanveer" but my words faded in between the high pitch wailings of women & children there. Within a 20 second pause there was another blast and i saw a brick flying towards me, I looked at the other side to save myself but it hit hard my head on the back side.
I opened my eyes in a white room at SKIMS. I had fallen unconscious, I can see my mother kissing my face and asking me to leave this job. It took me 4 days to come to my senses. I read old newspapers and felt lucky for surviving the deadly blasts.
I came to know that she had texted as well as called me after this accident. When I heard this my pain eradicated and wanted to talk to her. Then my close friend said "Bhai we don't wanna lose you just for some unknown girl". "She is not any unknown girl, i know her very well" i replied. They then surrounded me and told me the whole story that I am now dead for her and many more rubbish things. My mother entered the room and added "Why you were weeping that whole night on phone? Why can't you go for Nimaz? Instead of this you talk to her for hours".
My mother's tone was a much heavier than usual but I could understood what she was willing to tell me. She wanted me to live, not to die for a girl. So I pursued myself dead, for her, forever!
My friends played a trick and wanted me to stay away from her but i unleashed them. My mom reminded me of her love, her sacrifice in order to forget fragrance, so for mother i promised i'll never ever interact with her.
It took me around 2 months to get on my feet but till then it was too late. My admission in Kashmir University was almost cancelled because of my continous absence. I was seeing my dreams shattering, then I met Zuhr Shora as a ray of hope.
Zuhr was a student of my department in her last Semester and was the prettiest girl of University. Her uncle, Faruq Masudi was the HOD of our department, so she helped me to reduce my shortage and i was again allowed to sit in the class with a warning of being regular henceforth.
We became very good friends in few days and we shared our love spaces with each other. She was anguished over me "How can you love a girl whom you have never seen? And then vanishing your life for that unknown soul". My answer was literally not meaningful "I love her". And her question again "Why"?
We started having late night chats and sometimes calls as well. In University we used to have lunches and tea breaks together and then a day came when University announced winter vacations for two months and i went home. My mother caught me one night talking to Zuhr on phone and i said it's my classmate and then she asked about fragrance, I was silent. I guess I had forgotten her but once your wounds are being pierced by someone they bleed stoplessly. This time it was my mom who did the bloodshed.
That night i became sleepless, I wanted to call her but she had blocked me everywhere. I asked my friend Aabid to call her, in reply he scolded me and said "No". Next day i requested him broken heartedly, he somehow understood me and called her. After an hour he got a reply from her "I am now in a relationship, apne friend ko bolo mujhe bhula de". These words just killed me inside, I wanted to weep infront of Aabid but I was pretending to be stronger than anyone else.
Zuhr called in the evening, I told her the whole story and wept on phone. She tried to convince me, but I had taken my heart out infront of her. After a long pause she whispered "I love you". It was just normal for me because friends use such words when other one is in pain but she take it to the next level.
"To Kya Socha?" she asked, I said "Matlab?". Then she explained that she is in love with me since day one but was expecting to listen from my tongue. I without any haste told her that we are just friends and will always be. So we will never cross this line and will be what we used to be. She tried to convince me by these lines "these social media girls are just for likes and comments, in reality they are nothing but a piece of shit". I angrily said some words which i guess pinched her and she disconnected the call and never called back.
Winter vacations were over, met Zuhr, even she didn't answered my Salaam. She had made my "love story with a ghost" viral in my class. I entered into the class with a "Welcome Ghost" chants. This according to her will make me ashamed but I proved her wrong by giving a proud expression to the whole class.
I was not knowing how to cook so i used to call fragrance for some instructions but she always abandoned my request. Once i was alone at my room, it was raining whole night, I called her at around 2 Am and she was in waiting. It's human tendency to get angry but she gave me not a single right to get angry. In the morning she said it was her closest friend so i trusted. Within no time she abused me and used words like "Nalayak, Nalla, Besharam, Harami". I was hurt but took these words lightly. Then her this sentence "Tumhare Dimaag main Gobar hai, thoda sa kha lo", this was not in a lighter tone. She was not the one I loved so i disconnected the call.
Finally my love changed into hate because of her meaningless attitude, ego and temperament. But was this really hate or the death? I am still finding the answers from her! Had she came into my life only to ruin it? Doesn't she care for me for a single instance when I always keep an eye on her whether it's her result, Datesheet and any other minor notification? Why doesn't she care for me like i care for her? Isn't there any forgiveness for mistakes for me? My last question was "Am i not a good looking guy?" her answer was somehow diverted but I believe it was "Yes, You're not". If this was the condition for our love why did she accepted me? Why? I had left some beautiful people for her, is her heart stone that she can't forget my so called big mistake? There are many more questions but I want to ask them in the other world.
Then something came into my mind tonight on May 04 2019, just two days away from my birthday. I started calling her after a long break, she was "in a match" on PUBG and i waited for the match to get completed. Once she was idle i messaged her to take the call but she gave no response at all. At around 1:30 AM i called her after many failed attempts, she was in waiting. I thought it may be her closest friend, which i asked for but she replied "BF". She continued to be in waiting till 2AM and then blocked me. I kept calling till 4:57AM (166 calls) which she rejected one after the other. A voice came from the window "Allah-u-Akbar", The Fajr Azaan. Unlike other days, I woke up, had ablution, prayed few Rakats of Tahjjud, my prayer carpet was wet. I thought this was water from my face but. No. I asked for forgiveness from Him not from Her this time, because Humans never forgive us.
Cocluding this chapter with this Hadith
Abu Dharr reported:
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty says: Whoever comes with a good deed will have the reward of ten like it and even more. Whoever comes with an evil deed will be recompensed for one evil deed like it or he will be forgiven. Whoever draws close to me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running. Whoever meets me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any idols with me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.”
Story By:
Shaheen Qayoom Malik
11th Chapter of his Book "Dirt On My Face"
About Author:
Shaheen belongs to South Kashmir and is writer of Tajakistan's Award winning Documentary "Dirt On My Face". He is currently pursuing Masters in Mass Communication and Journalism in Media Education Research Center Department of University of Kashmir. He owns Valley's leading online news portal Kashmir Prism. He has also won Kashmir Photography Competition and was partner of Aarif Nabii who won best photo award 2014. Anyone having any objection regarding the above short story can mail author at:
shaheenqayoommalik@gmail.com
